The Pentagon Has a Zombie Apocalypse Plan. Here’s One for You.
Did you ever stop and think what might happen if the Zombie Apocalypse actually occurred? How would you protect your family? What would be left, if anything, when it was all over? The Pentagon has a plan in place, should you?
Zombies have been giving us nightmares for what seems like forever. We've all seen the movies and television shows where flesh-eating zombies take over the world, only to be destroyed by some guy and his love interest in the end. Zombies are thought to have their origins in Haitian and New Orleans voodoo magic. While over the years the meaning of the word "zombie" has evolved, the basic idea is that they are mysteriously brought back to "life" in an undead state wanting to devour human flesh. It sounds all too surreal, but is it?
As with any emergency, you need to have a plan in place, just in case. Where are you going to meet up? What are you going to bring? Who are you going to call? (Not Ghostbusters, that's another story altogether.) All of this starts with a Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit. Here are some things that you should keep on hand if the worst ever does happen.
Water. Lots and lots of water. Something is bound to happen to the local water supply. It's going to get contaminated by all that rotting flesh that is walking around in the streets. Usually it's around a gallon per person per day. In my case, with four people and an Apocalypse that lasts 28 days, that's 112 gallons of water at a minimum. Good luck with that.
Food. All of that food that you were going to give to your kids to drop off at school to help support the local food bank? Forget that. You should be hoarding all that canned sweet bread in your basement. Make sure you have a can opener though. Without one you just have cans, which I guess you could throw at the zombies if you needed to.
Important Papers. Birth certificates, driver's licenses, insurance cards, passports -- you name it. Have a folder on hand with all of this. If this is a true emergency, I don't know whether you will be stopped at the Canadian border and need to show your passport, but bring it along just in case. I don't think you will need your roadside assistance card, the odds of a tow truck driver working are pretty slim.
Baseball bats. I guess you could carry a gun to shoot the heads off all the zombies, but the loud bangs are just going to alert all the others about your location. And it's much more dramatic if you have to fight your way through a crowd of zombies smacking them in the heads with a baseball bat.
Tools. A chainsaw would be cool. Imagine sawing your way through all the zombies, it would make for a pretty cool movie scene. Take a knife, flashlights, duct tape, matches, candles (preferably scented; imagine the stench during the Zombie Apocalypse). You will also need a battery-operated radio. As with all emergencies, radio newscasters will be working to update you with all the information you need. Also have cell phone chargers on hand so your kids can play Plants vs. Zombies, of course.
First Aid Supplies. Aspirin (you are bound to get a headache), allergy medicine, and while you won't recover from a zombie bite, you might want to bring along some bandages for those minor cuts and scrapes that surely will happen.
Running shoes. Probably the most important thing that you can own is a good pair of broken-in running shoes. Don't go and buy a brand new pair of boots the day before the Zombie Apocalypse. You will just end up getting blisters on your feet and won't be able to outrun all of the zombies on your tail. Make sure your footwear is comfortable and will last you during this entire event.
Change of clothes. While you probably won't have time to change, it's a safe bet having extra clothes on hand. When all is said and done, at the end of the Apocalypse you want to look your best.
Extra gas. Have at least 100 gallons of fuel on hand. It will come in handy in your car, your generators (the power WILL be out), or if you need to set all the zombies on fire and burn them to the ground.
A meeting point. If for some reason you are forced from your home, you need to have a place to go. Preferably it should be a cave surrounded by a moat somewhere high on a hill. I don't know if that type of place exists, but you need to make it difficult for the zombies to find you and attack you. Have at least three different ways of getting there in case roads are closed or there are just too many zombies blocking your path.
Having these basics on hand should allow you to survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Of course, if that never happens you will be more than prepared if a more realistic emergency occurs, like a terrorist attack, a tornado, a hurricane or another natural disaster.